I looked upto you

I used to look up to you once upon a time. Everything you did seemed magnified to me at one point. You were like family, though not bound by blood or lust, I felt a connection to you. You were so noble, problems never drowned you, and you did it all. You were the image of a human balance scale. You were my own hovering eagle, predicting my pitfalls with each decisive pathway that laid in store for me; you were my left hand man, mapping the best routes for me because you ‘cared’; or so I presumed. Why else would one spend time guiding another without any sort of genuine affection towards that particular other; right?

I looked up to you. Right or wrong, I was on your side. In the ghetto lingo you were used to; - I was your ‘dawg’ and you were mine.

What baffles me is how wonderfully, you were able to muster that overwhelming level of deceptiveness, and conceal it with a blanket, you warped around you so, tightly with, no holes in its iron seams. The inner you never departed the thresholds of your bound vessel; but Alas! I caught it. Caught it, in the most distasteful sort of deception I consider, exists. When I saw that beady eyed ghoul escape from the shadows of your body, it froze in your familiar form and stared at me like doe caught in headlights. Shock and utter disbelief electrified my unaccepting self.

In plain truth, I was beyond disappointed. How could YOU of all people betray all you spoke of, all the values and philosophies you engrained into the people around you? YOU were the thoughtful one, the one who gave a shit. But here you were caught, finger-prints on the trigger, guilty as charged, yet pleading otherwise. I want to spit on your face- you disgust me. I want you to be sucked into a vortex so the world wouldn’t have to facilitate your futile existence, I want you to suffer – I am not shying away from my fury, - I want you to get down on your pathetic knees and beg for mercy,- and be rejected because you - YOU don’t deserve compassion, you don’t deserve kindness, you are the face of deception and by God I hope you live in humiliation. I hope you wake up every day to the face of the one you broke. I hope you see her worn out face every corner you turn every hurdle you cross, making you seem like the worthless rodent you are,- incapable of integrity.

I retract. I don’t want you dead. I want you to open your eyes and see the massacre you created. In an ideal world that exterminated people like you, we’d live a utopia; but this is no utopia. I rejoice now because I know I won’t have to wait for the world to kill you, for I know you’re dying as we speak. I look you in the eyes dead and do you know what I see? I see a boy whose conscience is catching up with him with each second that brims by. I see the jagged teeth conscience bears, gnashing out at the doomed little boy, who’ll get what he earned.