Automated
He breaks your heart, He makes your efforts seem in vain.
You’re shattered .You’re bitter. You wonder why. Slowly you find yourself turning the dials of blame toward yourself . Shocking? Believe it. Its happening. ‘What did I do wrong ?’ You find yourself say, ‘could I have saved us from breaking’ , ‘could I have been better” , “should I have said something different?” . Self hate. You mourn . You mourn for the hours you’ve wasted ,the long tear-soaked nights you spent in your bed, and the hours you waited for his call. The money you saved for his expense, you weren’t much of a saver butsuddenly you had to impress. You think its sounds petty but the little you got you know you wanted to spend on a token of some sort for his pleasure. Slowly the time you spend with yourfriends decline, every hour became precious; you think they’d understand yet you’ve soon become alienated. Away from social norms. Totally devoted. You laughed when those closest to you pointed it out. You didn’t think it could come true, but it did.
Was it what he intended? For you to be completely alienated? Was it his plan all along? You are bitter. Was it him really in the same room as you, making the very same sweet promises , or was it someone else completely. You feel like a fool. Your ego, your pride , your principals, you changed it all . Why? His approval . It meant everything to you. Despite his cruel comparisons to that one girl he could never forget and the continuous times he stood you up, you still wanted his favour; even if it was at the expense of the favour of others. You never were that girl who could be controlled, strong willed,opinionated , miss. independent.Yet there you were ‘tamed’ ; and holding the reins was a sixteen year old boy. People don’t recognize you anymore. But they didn’t know how he made you feel. They didn’t know how his simple praise gave you that surge of exhilaration you long for so desperately now.
You’ve become the laughing stock . “You fought for him so much now look at you” you could feel them say. He lost the love you loved the most. You search for yourself in the ruins of yesterday. Your blood stings with the voice that tore you apart , constantly reminding you of your futile human feelings that dragged you down to your knees. Between those cursed nights you cried yourself to sleep , you’re learning to put yourself first. You’ve become the beast he’s driven you to be. Nothing impresses you anymore. Human relationships are futile. You see through the facades people around you hold. You lose feeling. You’ve become automated; ‘survival material’,
You’re shattered .You’re bitter. You wonder why. Slowly you find yourself turning the dials of blame toward yourself . Shocking? Believe it. Its happening. ‘What did I do wrong ?’ You find yourself say, ‘could I have saved us from breaking’ , ‘could I have been better” , “should I have said something different?” . Self hate. You mourn . You mourn for the hours you’ve wasted ,the long tear-soaked nights you spent in your bed, and the hours you waited for his call. The money you saved for his expense, you weren’t much of a saver butsuddenly you had to impress. You think its sounds petty but the little you got you know you wanted to spend on a token of some sort for his pleasure. Slowly the time you spend with yourfriends decline, every hour became precious; you think they’d understand yet you’ve soon become alienated. Away from social norms. Totally devoted. You laughed when those closest to you pointed it out. You didn’t think it could come true, but it did.
Was it what he intended? For you to be completely alienated? Was it his plan all along? You are bitter. Was it him really in the same room as you, making the very same sweet promises , or was it someone else completely. You feel like a fool. Your ego, your pride , your principals, you changed it all . Why? His approval . It meant everything to you. Despite his cruel comparisons to that one girl he could never forget and the continuous times he stood you up, you still wanted his favour; even if it was at the expense of the favour of others. You never were that girl who could be controlled, strong willed,opinionated , miss. independent.Yet there you were ‘tamed’ ; and holding the reins was a sixteen year old boy. People don’t recognize you anymore. But they didn’t know how he made you feel. They didn’t know how his simple praise gave you that surge of exhilaration you long for so desperately now.
You’ve become the laughing stock . “You fought for him so much now look at you” you could feel them say. He lost the love you loved the most. You search for yourself in the ruins of yesterday. Your blood stings with the voice that tore you apart , constantly reminding you of your futile human feelings that dragged you down to your knees. Between those cursed nights you cried yourself to sleep , you’re learning to put yourself first. You’ve become the beast he’s driven you to be. Nothing impresses you anymore. Human relationships are futile. You see through the facades people around you hold. You lose feeling. You’ve become automated; ‘survival material’,
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