I'm afraid and I'm restless. B is going to have surgery next week. I'm so scared for him. I'm praying for him to recover well inshaAllah. I feel for him so much - he's been through so much in his childhood, as a young adult and even now. There's a sense of such helpless now because as his child I want to help me so badly, but I can't really do anything. I want to make him so proud of me. I want to look after him myself. I'm so desperate to show him he has me with him in a meaningful way. Your parents spend so much time looking after you, you expect them to care for you. At a point in time the roles reverse and you should return the favour. I want to return the favour. And I need him to be around. I desperately need him around.

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